Is acceptance the key or the lock?

There is a constant knot in the pit of my stomach. Hidden in the dark murky place where emotions mix and churn as they evade logic and reason. Holding onto one end of the knot is the person I am now, tugging at the other end is the person I want to be. Accepting I have to let go of the person I want to be is in theory the pathway towards the chronic illness jackpot of psychological flexibility.

#MillionsMissing

I actually thought I was used to being missing, that I’d found a way to adjust to my reality. I honestly thought it would only take a few minutes to fill out the #MMSelfies form as part of the millions missing campaign for ME/CFS Awareness Day. The form developed by Emerge Australia asked for a response to a simple question – What are you missing from?

Reaching for something, over and over again

Two things can be true, I can empathise deeply with peoples loss and at the same time feel the sting of watching others mourn what has been lost to me for so long. Those of us who have been housebound for a while understand their grief and bewilderment that this could be their lives now, so small, so confined, everything tantalising just out of reach.

The Dark Parts

In the midst of such a world-wide crisis I’ve been struggling with how to put my own fears into perspective. To have any sense of objectivity about where my situation fits along the scale of – be kind to yourself, it’s a lot and get over yourself, you have so much to be grateful for.