The Dark Parts

If you’re feeling a little overwhelmed by the world right now I would suggest doing the – Open Your Eyes and Ears meditation before reading on. It can’t hurt to get a little grounding before we talk about the stuff most of us don’t really want to talk about.

The world over people are terrified of dying or terrified of how they’re going to live without incomes or homes. Not to mention the horror of what those that are homeless or in unsafe homes are dealing with. 

In the midst of such a world-wide crisis I’ve been struggling with how to put my own fears into perspective. To have any sense of objectivity about where my situation fits along the scale of – be kind to yourself, it’s a lot and – get over yourself, you have so much to be grateful for. But the reason for starting this blog was about finding a way to share with others who have chronic conditions. I am hoping we can help each other find the language to describe what its like. Because most days, just finding the right noun is an achievement. So discussing raw emotions or deep and meaningful thoughts tend to be way too hard.  

So, l guess I should start the process by sharing one the darker parts that I’ve been thinking about that’s a little different to the obvious, will I or a loved one get it or will I survive it, given my existing risk factors that are seperate to ME/CFS. Unchecked, my worry tends to pool around the thought that if I had to aggressively fight off COVID-19 what baseline would I be left with. A simple cold can take months to fight off and anything more than a cold tends to reduce my baseline, so that my energy packets I use to get the basics done are more infrequent and don’t last as long. I wistfully remember when it used to take days before I crashed into the wall rather than one outing. I swing between positive and pragmatic about getting or surviving the virus but I linger in the dark place when I think about what comes after and not just for me, researchers are already warning that this virus may lead to ME/CFS for those that were previously healthy.

Of course I could try to draw on a million different quotes, poems or stories about strength, courage, adaptability or resilience, but for now, I’m just gunna watch some puppy videos because all things considered, both things are true, its all a lot and I do have so much to be grateful for.   

While I’m here I should also admit to the, not quite dark, but defiantly heavily shadowed, less than empathetic thoughts I have about how healthy people are coping with being housebound for the first time but I’ll leave that till the next blog. 

If you want some help to reduce the intensity of the dark place try the meditation E words – You’re not the only one who finds emotions hard. There’s a reason therapists get paid a lot of money.

After you have done that I would recommend doing step four of the first mediation again even if you didn’t scoff at it the first time around. So technically I’ve asking for about three minutes of your time today. Not sorry.

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