To anyone who may be new to ME/CFS, Long Covid or chronic illness…
I’m sorry if I wasn’t clear how bad it had to get before I admitted I had to try to put my health first and how hard it was/is to actually change my behaviour.
It is true that I shouldn’t need a label of “art” to elevate an activity to something meaningful or of value. But the mental gymnastics required to reject society’s expectations of acceptable use of your time is too exhausting. Educating others on why it’s not possible to be living a life out and about in the world is exhausting. Constantly monitoring and pushing back on your internal critique is exhausting.
Inspirational, quotes, mantras, motivational mottos and affirmations have their place in providing us with a way to refocus to the present or the positive, give hope, perspective courage or peace. If utilised at the right time they can be transformative. But on the bad days, words of wisdom need a little more lived experience of chronic conditions, a little more ME/CFS context to the grand aspirational proclamations.
It all relates back to the complexity of acceptance for those with ME/CFS. People treat it like a concept or goal to be achieved yet it’s an emotion that therefore cannot be a permanent state. We all contain multitudes.
There is a constant knot in the pit of my stomach. Hidden in the dark murky place where emotions mix and churn as they evade logic and reason. Holding onto one end of the knot is the person I am now, tugging at the other end is the person I want to be. Accepting I have to let go of the person I want to be is in theory the pathway towards the chronic illness jackpot of psychological flexibility.
There has never been a good time to have ME/CFS but there has definitely been less stressful times to have a chronic condition and an uncooperative immune system that continues to have an open door policy despite my objections.